I have this uncontrollable urge to immediately condemn any form of “classical” European style in this part of the world.

I know, I know but you’ll be surprised with the prevalence of bungalows with Greek columns, Tudor facades and “Some Exotic Asian” roof, not only in Thailand but in all parts of Asia.

You may also be surprised that most of these houses are not products of 80’s Post-Modern historicity but comes from an unbroken lineage of rags-to-riches clientele who felt compelled to be Euro-centric once they consider themselves “upper-class”.

Looking at Hua Lamphong train station …. I have a feeling this culture goes WAY back.

This train station is built in the Italian Renaissance style in the early 20th century by a Turin-born Mario Tamagno. So at least it was designed by a European, but at that time I’m sure he would have felt the bubbling excitement of Art Nouveau and/or Art Deco.

But thanks to a genuinely Euro-centric monarch known as the famous King Chulalongkorn of Siam (Rama V of the Chakri Dynasty), these ideas are very much at home with his grand plans to “westernise” Siam. So I suppose even “Italian Renaissance” would appear to be progressive.

Here’s a closer look of him in his official (note: Western) uniform.

So you have a rapidly Westernising Siam, and the overwhelming presence of Britain in India, Malaya & Burma, Dutch in Indonesia and the French in Indochina – all of the sudden, European IS the aristocracy.

But why the eclecticism? King Mongkut (also known as Rama IV – the father of our good fellow above) has an interesting quote that far outlived him …

King Mongkut once remarked to a Christian missionary friend: “What you teach us to do is admirable, but what you teach us to believe is foolish”.

So you see, when it comes to matters of science and technology everything is just imported wholesale. When it comes to matters of culture and religion, it seems that opinions are reserved. And when opinions are reserved, the opportunity for hybridity and “fusion” (so to say) becomes inevitable.

Much like how the Europeans had to somewhat reconcile the Industrial Age with their older architectural habits with, for instance, the Art Nouveau/Deco movement – everyone else in other parts of the world was pretty much doing the same thing albeit with a more jarring consequence in the Far East because of the greater divide.

Of course, I am not attributing the mentality in the region entirely to Rama V, but I’m sure this anecdote is a good insight into how the story played out elsewhere in the vicinity. So here’s my mini-lecture (it could be utter rubbish) on early 20th century Siam architecture.

BUT … next time you are revolted by another Southeast Asian building with an absurd mix of “styles” ….. give it a little thought, it may be more deeply rooted than you think.

Why would you …

… in a climate where the temperature under shade is a constant 25˚C whole year round with wide-open highways ripe for whamming layers of freeways above …

… want to waste time shoving something underground??

No air-conditioning + no digging = lots of money saved !!

Of course, the trade off is this Blade Runner thing you see above.

But … Menacing Concrete Jungle vs. Slick Sci-Fi Metropolis … take your Distopian/Utopian slant !!

Siam Square is not really a square, but a freak load of shopping malls lining a boulevard of Asian consumer indulgence (like Singapore’s Orchard Road, or Tokyo’s Ginza and numerous others). Again, take your slant.

I used to be terrified at the prospect of more and more super duper massive but impersonal shopping labyrinths. But having stayed in laid back Sydney for so long – I really miss the high energy 24/7 buzz in Asian malls, with wide open spaces in between to chill or meet people.

I mean WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEE open spaces.

Or if you’re still conservative, there’re still plenty of ultra claustrophobic people-packed venues! Existing for the exact same reasons of Shopping, Socialising & Eating!!

Ahhh, the wonderful paradoxes of my Asian compatriots …

The ticket booth and building facade is unremarkable, if not incredibly tacky.

But once the show starts, you realise the incredible amount of effort they put in to try and make this a “world class” production. Moreover once we saw the transsexuals, I can hear Julius reeling from denial, “Can’t be, can’t be. She’s definitely a girl.”

No cameras permitted but he managed to snag a couple of good shots …

… but you have to mind the choice of subject though …

After the show is the well known routine of photographing with the trannies. My father mentioned it used to be free but if I recall correctly, they’re charging 1000 Baht per individual photo session now.

It also explains why the following photos are blurry, long range and framed with other people’s head and armpits.

As you can see, some of them are really jaw-droppingly beautiful. Even Marianne is reeling from denial after surveying them from head to toe, “But … they’re girls! They must be!!”

We did manage to get a few close-ups.

I know that Julius has the hots for this one below … !!

What I find most amusing is when we were walking around the streets of Pattaya later, the go-go bar girls looked more like trannies than those at Tiffany’s !!!

Ok, I know that doesn’t look too seedy…. mmmm… Fast forward 12 hours!

That’s better. And in the centre of all this electric energy is Walking Street.

A closer look and you see bar girls sitting outside waiting for customers. I guess we’re still early…

In case you think these photos are isolated cases, they’re not!! The whole town is just packed with these sort of places wall to wall (okay, perhaps with the occasional “hotel”) with girls harassing passer-bys.

Normally you find poles inside buildings, but practically all of them here are open air! You can see them shaking booty while riding a songthaew around town. They come in other shapes and sizes as well …

The system is simple. They try to entice you into the bar with their good looks and demeanour, in order to sell drinks and make the establishment lotsa money. We’ve talked to them and I can tell you, even with broken English they are very very good at chatting.

Once you’re hooked, they will make you stay as long as possible. If drinks are not enough, you can bring them to “some place else” for as little as 1 hour up to 1 whole night. To do that, you will have to pay a certain “bar fine” because these girls won’t be making the bar money in their absence.

Like THIS guy!

This lady looks like she’s doing the same thing! Is the officer going to stop her??

Wait a minute … why is the officer helping the lady here …..

Ohhh … as it turns out. This is Bangkok’s brand of solving the double parking problem. Basically the allowance for parking in older carparks (like this one, near Jatujak market) is just impossible in today’s traffic load. So the solution is to allow cars to be parked LEGALLY in marked boxes with one rule … FREE YOUR HANDBRAKE.

So if you happened to be blocked by a car (or 2 or 3 or more), you just a play a GIANT game of Sokoban!

With officers in uniform to help you out! Brilliant!

The total area is IMMENSE, but the shops are like mini-stall size. So ..

Teeny Weeny Shops x Over Several Football Fields = Extreme Hardcore Intense Shopping

Look closely at the “solid grey” – they’re actually a tight series of alternating grey and white lines that indicate the lanes within the complex !! The map is useless because …

1. Inside everything just looks the same, even to locals.
2. The numbers are illogically numbered (you’ll discover later in this blog that this is a uniquely Indochinese trait)

As if the shops weren’t small enough, the environment has further packed the shelves to the 101% capacity.

I left very early to get some rest so I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. But Julius snapped this gem..

1:1 scale of Robocop?!?!

And this is her warm family - Aummy’s Mummy & Daddy …

Aummy and her Dad can speak English very well, but her mum can only speak Thai. Even so, language is hardly a factor in their generosity. The whole time I was stucked indoors (because of the allergy), her mum kept offering food all day to me with sign language !!

Speaking of food, the moment we arrived in Bangkok we were treated to an excellent authentic Thai dinner outside (we were surviving on street food, just to provide you contrast). Our stomachs were packed to the brim and just as when we thought it was over, we arrived at her home to see TONS of Thai desserts. It was like Hansel & Gretel’s “Exotic Asian” Gingerbread House.

These were the plates that could fit on the small coffee table. There were many more tubs of Thai pastries, cookies, “Khanom Bu Yong” and et cetera below the table.

Sticky Rice Mangoes

“Foi Thong” family of desserts - christened by its namesake, the noodle-looking ones. Round ones are Thong Yot. Cupcake ones are Thong Yip. They are all made of egg yolks and sugar, apparently a Portugese influence.

Umi if you are reading this, I told you I will try my best to remember the names !

I think at this point Julius suffered photographic overloaded and stopped snapping the other goodies.

1 - Allergic Contact Dermatitis

I checked into hospital twice!! Doctors say I’m the hundredth over foreigner who walked in with this for year 2007, postulating there must be some new kind of toxic insect in the Krabi and Phuket region. It took a full week before I began to look normal again.

So any of you hanging around those places, if you have a rash that is not reacting to anti-histamines, go see a doctor !!

2 - Because of my allergic reaction, I had to stay at home.

The rest of the Rat Pack still went out but in their eccentric brand of wisdom decided AGAINST visiting the Grand Palace and Wat Pho, despite never being there before!

When I later enquired, “Do you know coming to Bangkok and missing the Grand Palace is like going to Sydney and missing the Opera House?”.

The reply was a paltry … “Hmm, never thought about it that way.”

Astute readers will note that since my photographer decided to go AWOL, I’m left without photographs of Ko Ratanakosin. Flickr to the rescue again!

Sidenote: This odd behaviour can be explained by the gargantuan amount of airports completed in Asia during the last 10 years.

Sadly, we have to settle with a night flight to catch the Sapam Street Procession of the Phuket Vegetarian Festival. And sure enough the Great Cosmic Interference made sure we MISS the street procession(!!). Two missed opportunities … que sera sera~

I was impressed at the scale of the airport, but the quality of the finishes (especially the bare concrete) looks pretty dubious. And the steel frames are too coarse for my liking. Hmm, I guess that’s the furthest extent of my comments.

However, I am officially duly fully impressed with quality of photos on Flickr these days. I’ll find a way to integrate it into this blog soon …

EDIT:

Here you go! Magazine quality photos of Suvarnabhumi Airport !! Man, I love Web 2.0~

While I am still in this state of euphoria, I will add some Phuket Vegetarian Street Procession photos as well !

Agh !!! I could still remember the smell of it looking at the photo. There are four species here - caterpillars, silkworms, grasshoppers and crickets - or at least that’s what I think they are.

After a few bites, Ben and Marianne timed out. Julius and I pressed on, Piece by Piece … Bug by Bug !!! But even with half a bag finished in 5 minutes, it was too slow …. our gagging reflex was fast catching up with us - trying to knock some sense into us. There’s only one way to solve this ….. a BUG BINGEEEEEEEE !!

*BUrP*

In hindsight, it kind of tasted like really really crunchy deep fried prawn crackers in curry powder. But the thought of a cricket leg stuck in between my teeth … mmmm …